Story:               SEASON’S EATINGS

Author:              FancyFigures ([email protected])

Disclaimer:        I don’t own ‘em, wish I did, just enjoy writing about ‘em for free etc

Pairings:           1+2

Category:          Romance, humor

Warnings:         Yaoi,

Spoilers:           None

Notes:               The bunny icon made me do it…

Feedback:         If you liked it, PLEASE let me know!



The silence was broken with the sound of a horrified gasp.


Duo gave a soft, harsh chuckle in reply.  “Do you know, statistics say that 74% of children eat the ears first?  They’re long and smooth and easily broken off.”  He hummed softly, as he always did when he was concentrating on a difficult job.  “But in your case, it’ll obviously have to be the legs.  That’s second choice anyway, at 13%.”  There was a crack, a crumbling noise, and then a sucking sound.  Sweet legs … strong thighs … toes fit to suck on.  Tastes damned good. 


“Duo…”  Heero’s voice was shocked.  “Wait!  You can’t do this to me…”


“Can – and will.”  Duo’s voice was rich with desire and tight with determination.  “Shut up and take your punishment like a man.”  He laughed again.  “Though let’s face it, you ain’t running anywhere at the moment, are you?”


“Duo.  My God.  I don’t understand how you can be like this.  I thought we had something between us …”


“Damned right we do.  And it’s your right arm.”


“What the -?  Duo, you can’t mean you’re going to take that too –  There was another cracking noise and an anguished whimper from Heero.  Noooo….”


Duo sighed: there was the sound of lips being licked, thoroughly and lasciviously.  “Guess that one had extra muscles from all the times you’ve jerked off in front of me.  Thanks for the memories, Heero.”


“You’re disgusting.”  Heero’s voice broke slightly on the words, but his anger was strong.  “Your callousness is foul and beneath contempt –“


“Nah.  Beneath my teeth, Heero.  That’s where your left arm’s going, right now.”  More crunching noises: more strangled sobs.  “Damn, but it pays to be ambidextrous.  That was pretty chunky, too.”


“Duo, this is the last time I’ll ask you to think again – to restrain these hideous impulses –“


Duo’s laugh was louder than ever and gurgling with saliva from his mastication.  “Restrain my ass, Heero Yuy.  You’re in no position to tell me what to do – no position at all.  I’d say you’re pretty ‘armless, in fact.”  He cackled at his own joke.  “And so where to next?  Restrain my ass – did I say that already?”


“Duo.”  Heero’s voice was like ice, the thread of pain evident.  “Don’t go there.  This is beyond civilized behaviour.  Beyond every human right – beyond even your warped psychotic mind.”


“Sure is,” came Duo’s chillingly cheerful reply.  “Or at least it was.  Guess I’ve been doing some reading – gotta keep that psychosis fed and fresh, else it’ll never grow up to be a big, bad brother.”  There was the sound of his fingers tugging at something - peeling open a rich, smooth seam with a sickly pop.  “And for our final statistic – it’s 10% for the tail.  There are certain perverted little kiddies who like to start with that first.  Unlike me, who loves to save the sweetest morsels to right near the end …  His voice was muffled, his mouth filled with something other than his acid tongue.  “The choicest ass – the best I’ve ever seen.  The most delicious I’ve ever tasted.”


“Please …” came a soft plea in the shadow of what had once been Heero’s strong voice.  The sound faded away on the end of a breath.


“And finally the head, Heero … now you’ve gone kinda quiet.  Is that sobbing I hear?  Begging for mercy?”


“I have my pride, Duo.  I can only offer up in defence my care for you – my respect for basic human life …”


“Crap,” replied Duo, sharply.  “Say goodbye to all that sentimental nonsense.  All that remains is physical, sensual pleasure of the basest kind – and remains is the word, isn’t it?”


“Duo, you are a bastard of the lowest order.  Consider this my last word on the subject.”


“Not gonna be anything else, is it?  After I’ve bitten through that taut throat and swallowed those swollen lips.”




“Any other last words, Heero?”




“What?  I’m about to bite – I’m about to crunch.”  


“It’s the last time …”


“You said that already –“


“No.  Listen carefully, Duo.  Whatever happens to us, whatever cruelty you wish on me, whatever homicidal behaviour you allow to destroy your humanity –“


“God’s sake, Heero, enough with the evangelism –“


“It’s the last time I get you a chocolate Easter egg in my likeness, Duo!”