I came outside the club, shrugging on my coat. Bunches of people ebbed round me, making their own way in – the lights from the entrance desk shone behind me; bursts of music followed me, every time the door was opened to let someone in. Heero stood at the base of the steps, leaning back against a car. It looked expensive, and well-kept; midnight-blue paintwork, like his shirt tonight. Seat covers black as his hair. Woodwork on the dashboard as dark and bronzed as the colour of his skin. I had this thing bad, eh?
I looked round; no-one was asking him to move his vehicle on. And I thought it was a restricted zone, even for cabs. The bouncers stood at attention by the doorway – shades hid their eyes. I couldn’t see if they were looking at him or not.
“Your car, Heero?”
Was he gonna ask me to ride with him? Was I finally gonna see something or somewhere that told me more about him? Or would we just drive to some lay-by somewhere, pull in, and fuck away in the back seat, seeking frenziedly to sate our desperation? I knew I could speak for mine…
“Something more to say, Duo?” He sounded a little tense, but he didn’t move. “I see it in your eyes. In the way you stand there.”
I thought on what Trowa had said. He’d obviously picked up on something about Heero – even in that brief time. He was worried. Was I worried? “Do you live round here? My friend thinks you’re kinda familiar, but he can’t think from where.“
I admitted to myself that I didn’t really know what I was trying to get at. I walked down the steps, and halted a yard or so away from him.
“What are they saying, Duo? These friends of yours? They trying to run your life for you?”
“No way!” I replied, heatedly. “But they care about me, and that’s fine by me. You’ve got friends, haven’t you? You know what it’s like, when you meet someone new, when it’s someone they –“
“ – know fuck all about. Yeah, I know.” He stared at me, as I fidgeted there on the sidewalk. I could feel his eyes burning through my clothes. I could feel my body opening up to him – my cock straining for him. He shifted a little, and I wondered with a glorious wildness whether he was feeling the same excited discomfort. But then – why should he? He’d called all the shots so far. I was the patsy, wasn’t I?
He sighed. His eyes drifted, very slightly, as if he looked elsewhere. Then they snapped back, staring at me, before I had a chance to follow any other direction. “Yeah. The interference. It used to be like that for me, too.”
He shrugged. The muscles under his vest rippled gently, promising so much that I felt the painful heat in my groin. “Don’t tell ‘em anything; I never do, now. It’s my own affair, what I do. Who I do it with. Nothing to do with anyone else.”
“You got friends, Heero?” Don’t know what made me ask it, but I somehow wondered. He was so singular. He was so self-contained. He didn’t need anyone else. Didn’t need me…
He didn’t answer directly, though his mouth twisted at the side, like he smiled at the thought. “That blond one – are you his?”
I knew he meant Quatre. Everyone knew Q at the clubs – he was the dancer. He was the streak of light and speed that turned heads as he passed. He was the one who drew the crowds – not me.
“Yeah, Quatre’s a friend. But I’m not his, as you say, and neither is he mine. Just friends…”
The smile on his face broadened. There was a twinkle in his eye – a kinda mischief. “Yeah, I guess not. He blew me out a coupla months ago – I just wondered why. If he was taken.”
“He is!” I blustered. “He’s with my other friend – you saw him at the table.” Q rarely went out without T, but there had been times… Jeez… I was horrified at the wave of nausea that had engulfed me. For several reasons. “You made a play for Q -?”
“Hardly that,” drawled Heero. He twisted his body to ease the car keys out of his jeans pocket. It was an elegant, sensual movement. It looked like he was trying to be careless, but from the way his face turned, sneaking a look at my expression out of the corner of his eye, he musta known he’d shocked me. I think he was enjoying it. “Just got my messages mixed, OK? He looked like he was on his own – looked available. And his body screams it, doesn’t it? Screams sex, and men, and need… Guess I thought it was me he was aiming at.”
Arrogant prick! I thought. Shit, was I jealous? I’d never been here before – in direct competition with one of the guys! It’d be amusing if it wasn’t so – so –
“I’m glad I waited, though,” Heero was saying. He’d turned back to face me. He rolled the keys around in his hand, aimlessly. His eyes ran up and down my body, trailing hot slices of frustration and need in their wake. “The messages are a damn sight clearer from you. The screams are a damn sight louder…”
It’s just sex, I told myself. My head whirled. I’m just a piece of ass. Look how he talks about it…about me.
“Get in the car.”
I paused. I wanted something else, I guess. Some other word. Whereas my cock – I sighed to myself, wearily - just wanted him. He snapped his head back suddenly, stretching his arms out behind his shoulders. Popped his fingers as if he’d been still for too long and needed action. He moved with the restrained energy of a wild cat – like something feral. Something predatory. He spoke, as if he’d heard my thoughts, and was angry or tired of them.
“You just wanna talk some more, then?” he growled. His hand snaked out suddenly, and grabbed my neck. “Or do you wanna fuck?”
I opened my mouth to reply and sucked on his tongue instead. He had his answer. People were staring at us, as they passed on the sidewalk, as we ate each other hungrily. I thought I saw the bouncers move uneasily, out of the corner of my eye.
I got in the car.
I don’t need to explain anything else, probably. We never went anywhere – no party, no bar; no sight of where Heero may live or work. But no bleak, windy lay-by, either. He pulled into the tree-lined garden car park of a quiet motel, turned off the lights, and flipped the seats back. There was no noise or movement anywhere around us. We were shaded from the motel itself, and every sane person had left their car and gone into the warm rooms, long before now. I made some feeble joke about him having no money left for a room.
“I like you better right here,” he hissed. “I do it when I want it. Where I want it. Where no-one else sees me. Follow the impulse; the sudden impulse! It’s so much more exciting. Don’t you agree, Duo? Ahh… but I know you do – because you came with me again…”
His mouth was on my neck, and I wriggled myself out of the seatbelt, trying to get some kinda comfortable position. He had hands up under my shirt, wrenching it out from my pants, pulling the buttons apart with such force that one of them sprang off into the depths of the car. His palms were damp with sweat; his fingers rough. He ran them up my chest, across to my left nipple, and he twisted it. I yelped.
I lay back against the cool seat covers, and I panted. “No…”
I felt the smile on his lips against my flesh. He was licking up from my navel, up to the other nipple. He flicked it back and forth with his tongue, inside his mouth. I felt the vibration down to my toes. My legs instinctively stretched apart.
He laughed softly, running his free hand down between my thighs, teasing at the material of my jeans, cumbersome now, sticking to my skin with my own sweat and desire. “Soon, Duo… soon I’ll fuck you.” He cupped at my groin, rubbing firmly so that he could feel the swelling there. He made it much, much worse! I heard a zip go, but to my disappointment, it wasn’t mine. His hand slid up to grasp me by the neck again, and for a few long seconds his mouth was back on mine, thrusting his tongue into me, moaning his lust into me.
Then he fell away from me, gasping. He lay himself back on his own seat, tugging my head after him, over his prone body. He pulled at the open flies of his jeans, impatiently. I saw then that he had no underwear on tonight. The cloth parted, and his cock was there, straining to get out into the night air; weeping for attention. My mouth watered.
“Suck me again, Duo. It was good…”
I bent myself awkwardly at the waist, avoiding a minefield of buttons and switches, and leant over his body, trapping his nearer arm under me. I went down on him. He jerked at my first touch, and my head banged back against the edge of the wheel. But I sucked back down towards the base of his cock and began the slow savouring of him. I licked and sucked from the balls, up to the hot tip, shining in the dark. I could taste the drops leaking out – feel the ripple of excitement along the shaft. I wondered how long this rock hard rod had been aching for this; how the hell he’d managed to concentrate on his driving with this in his pants, clamouring to get out.
His free hand clutched at my hair, pushing my head up and down. Damn, but he liked it…
Things were bubbling deep in his groin. I could feel the tightening of his balls against my chin – the throbbing of the cock in my mouth. I opened my throat to take it all in.
But like the first night, just as his climax was beating a path to escape, he tugged at my head, trying to pull me away. Tonight, though, I wasn’t gonna take it like that. Perhaps I was getting bored with the whole submissive thing… I growled in my throat, tightening my lips on his member, and I resisted. He faltered; nervous, perhaps, that if he pulled at me too hard my teeth would scrape a deep and angry passage all the way up that very, very sensitive flesh. I continued my sucking – I wanted to taste him.
“No!” he hissed. I could feel him struggling with the need to climax – the rising ecstasy. He tried to slap my head away – I caught his hand and gripped him by the wrist. I pressed the free arm back against the window. He was trapped now. And still I savoured him.
“You want me to fight you?” I murmured into his soft skin, dragging it up over his slit, then peeling it back down. He whimpered. “Is that what you want?”
“Stop…” he moaned. But his hips bucked up into me.
“I wanna swallow it, Heero,” I gurgled. “I wanna swallow you.”
He looked confused – even a little shocked. “That’s not – oh fuck -!” I was swirling my tongue around the swollen tip. It was reaching for my throat, I could feel it. Damn, but I remembered now how I always gave really good head…
“No-one ever done that for you, Heero? No-one ever tasted you? Drunk you?”
His silence was enough answer.
“Good…” I hissed, and then he gasped and the flood came. His hips crushed me up against the steering column, his fingers gripped my scalp painfully, and he keened his essence out into my mouth, pumping again and again, hot and sharp-tasting and richly thick.
Damn, but I also remembered how good cum tastes!
There was an awkward moment, then. He lay, gasping for breath, the after shocks still coursing through him. I nibbled a while at his softening cock, then I levered myself back on to my seat. Wiped my mouth, carefully. Teased a thin, remaining thread between my lips. I lay back, aware of the pain in my own groin.
Something had changed. The balance of things. Perhaps because he’d lost absolute control at the last minute. Perhaps because I’d done something for him no-one else ever had. Perhaps because we were stuck out here together and if either of us was unhappy with it, well, what would we do? I, for one, didn’t know where the fuck I was.
Perhaps I think too much.
He was listening to my harsh breath, but not moving nearer. I reached a hand to my jeans, and slipped it inside. I wanted the touch on my swollen cock. Yeah, I wanted Heero, but above all, I wanted the touch. I slipped the zip down, breathing relief, and I started to rub myself, up and down, as tortuously slowly as I could stand.
My eyes slid half shut with pleasure, but I knew he was watching me. He lifted himself up on one arm and looked down on me.
“Heero…” I murmured. His name sounded good on my lips.
“Take them off,” he whispered. “Keep touching yourself, but take the jeans off.”
It was a challenge, OK, but I somehow managed to wriggle the jeans and boxers down my legs, and to pull one ankle out. I could move more freely now. I lay back, bending the leg nearest the window at the knee – I could get a better grip now. The windows were steaming up nicely – I was panting heavily as I worked myself up and down – the car rocked very slightly.
“Gonna come soon…” I sighed. “You just - gonna - watch?”
“No…” came the silky reply. He seemed to have recovered his composure. Possibly his libido as well – I had no idea what sorta stamina this guy had. “Turn over – towards the window. On your side.”
More wriggling, and I lay on my side, watching the window, now opaque with our lusty breath. I kept pumping – the movement was slick and fast now. I was leaking all over my hand. Then I felt Heero’s hand close over mine, and I paused for a painful second.
“Keep pumping,” he hissed in my ear. He nipped at my lobe, mixing the sudden pain with the increasing pleasure. He moved my hand aside, and ran his own up and down my length a coupla times. He cupped his hand over my tip so that I gasped aloud with the thrill. Then I realised what he was doing – he was collecting the pre-cum on his fingers.
My heart nearly stopped with anticipation.
“Keep pumping I said!” he growled. I did. I wasn’t far off now.
And then I felt it – Heero’s fingers up between my cheeks, ghosting at my hole; teasing the soft skin behind my balls. I strained to reach him; strained to receive him. A fingertip slid into me.
“That’ll do it…” I groaned. Even as he probed for my prostate, his palm flat against my skin, another finger seeking entrance – I felt the uncontrollable throb in my cock, and the seed burst out over me and the seat beneath me. I shook – I gasped. The car’s suspension bounced under me.
Panting, I spiralled down from my climax. I felt some calm returning to my spinning senses. But Heero was still fingering me. He’d dragged himself half off his seat and half into the space between us; musta been really uncomfortable. I dreaded to think where the gear stick might be resting. His chest was pressing against my back – I could feel his thigh nudging hard against mine. I wondered if I should suggest moving into the back seat for anything further. I could feel the heat behind me now; the thick, solid column of flesh, his cock, sprung back to eager life. Rubbing itself up against my ass. It felt like he’d pulled his own pants down – I couldn’t feel that nagging nuisance that was his zip. His leg prised itself in between mine, lifting my upper leg until it hung over his hip.
“Here?” I gasped.
“Now…” he replied. His voice was hoarse. Even as I wondered what the hell lube he was gonna use, and how in God’s name I was gonna get my leg far enough over on this narrow seat – even as my cock throbbed sadly in the afterglow of its climax, he removed his fingers from my ass and nudged his cock up there instead. I moaned. I stretched my upper leg up and forward, so that my knee touched the door. I grabbed at the handle, my nose almost up against the upholstery.
I heard him flip open the glove compartment, and then felt him fumble with a condom. When his cock came back up against me, it was cool and dry. Not like that, you don’t, I thought. “Use my cum,” I hissed. No-one was gonna rip me apart, however much I wanted him. His hand snaked round to my groin, where the sad puddle sat in my lap, dripping now on to the seat beside me, and he scooped it up. There was a gentle shaking of the seat behind me, as he rubbed my seed over him. He’d be smoothing it impatiently over the red-angry flesh. I could see that through those eyes you’re meant to develop in the back of your head. I could imagine every detail going on behind my back. My own flesh was blinking back to life at the thought.
Then his breath was harsh on my neck again; he rolled hard against me, gripping my waist, forcing his hip under my upper thigh. And he pushed his cock into me.
Guess I like being uke. Guess I hadn’t had the option of anything else yet. Guess I wasn’t bothered, because it was so damn good! It was briefly painful, there wasn’t much room to manoeuvre, and my leg started shaking from the tension of holding it up and away. But he musta been quickly recovered from my sucking, ‘cos it took him less than three minutes to thrust into me and to come again. Less than three minutes, and a few stifled groans, and more abuse to the car’s suspension.
I was half erect again but, to be honest, the way I was cramped against the side of the car wasn’t conducive to another climax. When he shuddered inside me and finished, I let him ease himself out and fall back on to his seat. Something creaked, and I don’t know if it was the gear stick or the steering column. Or me. My erection was dreaming of past glories, and very shortly it’d sink away to mere memories.
“You’re fantastic, Duo.” The words were spoken almost dreamily. It didn’t sound like Heero’s harsh, aggressive tone at all. And that’s the only way I’d ever heard him.
I felt shaken. I’m not sure he meant me to hear it.
I was silent for what seemed like a long time, looking at the window. It was as if neither of us knew what to say now. I was in turmoil. I wanted to sleep. I never wanted to sleep again. I wanted to touch him again. I wanted to push him away. I wanted just to hold him…
I wanted to leave.
“Take me back to town,” I said. My voice was stark in the cold, clear air. The car was chill now – our bodies were starting to shiver.
“Take me back.”
It sounded like he held his breath for a few seconds. Then he shifted himself carefully, pulling the condom off into a tissue, and pulling his pants back up to his hips. I was doing the same, cursing the narrow space; ignoring the awkward imprint of the seat belt clasp on my thigh. He started the car.
My eyes were still confused with the dark outside. The side windows were still fogged. But I thought I saw a pair of car headlights spring alight, just as we pulled out of the car park. There was no other traffic around. They seemed to follow our path for quite some way until they finally turned off, just as we drove back into areas I recognised.
Heero dropped me off near the club. Drove away swiftly. Since I’d asked him to go back, everything had been in complete silence.
It was eating away at me. He was. I dreamt him. Breathed him; heard him; tasted him. I woke up nights, holding myself so tightly it hurt, and begging for it to be his hand on my cock, his fingers up inside me –
I listened to the guys making love at night along the hall, with a guilty pleasure.
I masturbated silently; a little ashamedly, but always exquisitely.
And I sought him out again.
Quatre had one of those looks on his face. One of those looks I hadn’t seen since I was a kid, and was first caught stealing. A mixture of admonition and understanding. Very difficult to balance, those two. I sighed to myself.
“You’re in very deep, Duo. I’m concerned about you.”
“In what way, Q?”
He peered at me, a little suspicious of my calm. “This guy you’re dating –“
Is that what I’d call it?
“He has a reputation for being…” He paused, confused by my open expression. “He’s unusual, Duo. He’s a little wild – reckless. He’s a loner. No-one’s quite sure where his money comes from, but he has plenty of it. And little enough work to keep him occupied. And rumour is – he dates a lot. Doesn’t usually go beyond a couple of times with one guy, though.”
Damn, he was being like my mother! If I’d remembered her at all. And he wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know, or had guessed. Except, perhaps, the bit about the ‘coupla times’ dating. Looked like I’d already blown that one out of the water. Though I wasn’t necessarily counting how many times we’d been together...
“You been checking up on me, Q?”
He had the decency to blush. “Not on you, Duo!”
“On Heero, then?”
Trowa appeared at his shoulder. “Don’t be so damn difficult, Duo! Of course we checked up on him. You seem totally obsessed by him…”
That was true, of course. I couldn’t wait for the weekends to come along, so I’d started hanging out at the club during the week as well. I did Ladies’ Night; I did Tarts ‘n Vicars Night; I’d been nearly humiliated at the under 21s-night. But it had been worth it. In all cases, Heero had appeared at the bar within an hour of my arrival.
I didn’t know how to take that. Did the man hang out there every night? Or were there some other kinda jungle drums that called him there?
Did I care? Each time, we’d exchange some empty talk that I could never remember properly afterwards, then he’d take me somewhere – back out into the alley; in his car; sometimes to the silent shell of a deserted store in the shopping mall. Anywhere; just so’s we could fuck. We took a motel room once, but only because I complained about my ass being stripped and pounded in the pouring rain one too many times. I hate the rain!
I was always uke, but it was fine by me. The feel of him inside me; the desire that sprang from him like an electrical charge; the imprint of his hands on my body – it was the best I’d ever known. We liked it that way, I guess; we were both high on the excitement and the risk involved. We weren’t so desperate that we wanted to be caught – it wasn’t that kind of recklessness. But it seemed that we felt the need for each other like breath, and we weren’t gonna wait for the feather bed to satisfy it.
“Duo – are you listening?” Trowa’s voice cut in. “It’s just such a change, to find you clubbing and out every night. You’re drinking again – you seem…”
Different, he was gonna say.
I stared back, but I softened it with a slight smile.
“Yeah…” sighed Trowa. Q was meant to be the intuitive one, but it was Trowa who understood the look in my eye. “I understand. OK, man, it’s up to you.”
“Wha -?” Q was protesting at the silent conversation that he seemed to have missed.
“He’s going to continue seeing him, Q, love. He likes him. It’s not for us to tell him who to see, is it?”
“Trow…” I began, slowly. “You say you found out who he is -? Heero?”
“Not – exactly…” T raised an eyebrow at my question. “I mean – you know his name is Heero Yuy – don’t you? - and he seems to do just what he likes at the club. They know him in town only where he spends his money. The stores – the garage. The restaurants. But no-one is saying anything more.”
“What d’you mean – not saying?”
“Damn, I didn’t mean it was sinister or anything!” laughed T. “Just that no-one seems to have met him socially – or worked with him – or –“ he looked at me, appraisingly, “- or dated him. He has a place in the Royal apartments –“
Q whistled softly. Even his family only had a small pied-a-terre there.
“- and that’s as much as I know.” T stared at me – I knew what he was thinking. Like, is that as much as you know, Duo?
I bit at my lip. Curiouser and curiouser. But I was going out again. I was going out to find Heero, and to offer my body for him to use, and it was all I wanted at the moment.
“Duo, you won’t leave again, will you?” That was Q – ever the blunt, seemingly ingenuous questions. “Not without telling us…”
“I’m OK, Q,” I said. His bright blue eyes were wide; damn guy looked like a teenage kid! No wonder the groupies chased him. “Chill. I’m seeing Heero, and it’s good, and I know what I’m doing.” I thought that I did, now. Maybe not at first – when it had been my physical desire and Heero’s lust that had propelled me on. They were strong instincts, indeed. I’d known them all my life, and fought them for a slightly shorter time. Yeah - I’d been down that hellhole before, and I wasn’t gonna be sucked under again. Not in the same way.
“The sex… the physical attraction. It’s – it can consume you, Duo –“
“Yeah,” I agreed, with a grin. I knew that. I’d never had so much before – never felt so alive to it, before. Despite the sore ass, and the scratches on my back, and the aching limbs… “You jealous?”
Q flushed even deeper. Trowa grinned.
“Things are turning out well for you, Duo. Have been for a while, eh? We just don’t want to see things turn back. For your sake, not ours.”
“I know, T,” I replied. It was a warning, perhaps, as well as a comment. He recognised it as such. Quatre would soon, too. “You’re gonna have to trust me on this one, guys.”
I grabbed my jacket and left.
I never made it to the club that night. Not that I had a better offer – no, I couldn’t call it that.
I shouldn’t have cut across the back of the silent mall, though it was a shorter route by twenty minutes. And I’d never had any problems there. ‘Til tonight.
There were two of ‘em – taller than me, twice as broad, in casual gear and wearing shades at night, which was a strong indication of the IQ accompanying them. Probably shared between ‘em.
For a sudden, shocking moment, I thought that I recognised one of ‘em. From a miserable life that I thought was long-past. The realisation was too awful to consider – I felt the nausea rise up in me even at the thought. How could it be him? I was terrified at how easily it could all come flooding back, when I’d done so much to keep it well down…
But I didn’t have time to swap reminiscences. They were tough. Fucking tough. I’m no gentle flower, y’know – I learnt a lot over the last year or so, and it wasn’t always how to negotiate. It was how to respond when the guys facing you looked just like these two.
But I was outta practice – I was caught unawares. ‘Praps I was becoming a model citizen after all, and never expected to face this kinda confrontation again. Anyway, after a few ineffectual punches from me, they smacked my head and abdomen about for several minutes, like it was some kinda entertainment for them – like I guess it may have been. I fell to my knees, retching out over the sidewalk, and clutching my stomach like it was straining to escape from my body. I wondered how small I could roll myself to keep away from the kicks and the fists. I wondered if this was just a taster – whether there was gonna be any weapon involved.
“Back off,” one of them grunted. He knelt – surprisingly quickly for his size – and smashed his fist into the side of my neck, so that my breath fell away in shock.
Back off – from what? I only had a little cash with me in my wallet. My jacket was old – and I had no expensive jewellery to speak of. What did they want?
“Keep your fuckin’ fag hands off Mr Yuy,” growled the other one. Maybe the same one. I wasn’t hearing too well. Then another boot caught my ribs, landing squarely on a patch that was already bruised beyond sensation - my groaning drowned out anything else.
And they were gone. As fast as they’d appeared
Christ, I thought, as I rolled in agony on the ground. If he wanted to dump me, couldn’t he just vanish into the night himself? Or dammit - he could tell me he was tired of my ass, and wanted to find another. Did he have to send Mountain and Co. to thump the message out on my ribcage?
Is that what Heero wants? ran the thoughts in my head. Did he send them?
Or what the hell else is going on?