CLOSE PROXIMITY

Chapter 14

I wriggled my legs and feet about, got the fabric down to one ankle, and then I was naked underneath him. My cock sprang up, bobbing shamelessly, and his gaze fixed on it.

“It’s been…” He paused, and began again. He was making one hell of an effort to get the words out, and I felt a tug of sympathy inside me. I didn’t deserve any of this…did I?

“It’s been a long time since I did this, Duo,” he said carefully, his voice hoarse. “I never wanted anyone after you.”

I stared at him. Ridiculous really, our bodies no more than a foot apart, but all of our actions in sudden paralysis. “Heero,” I said. “Heero.” Fuck, now I was having problems in the speech department. “It’s the same for me. It’s always been the same for me. Look, it’s OK, we don’t have to – I don’t want…for you…”

He shook his head briefly, as if to clear his nerves or maybe to dismiss my ramblings. Then he put his hands on the back of the couch, either side of my shoulders and he leaned down, bending his knees so that they brushed against my thighs. “Do it!” he hissed. “Please!”

I reached between his legs with my precious little handful of lubrication, and I slipped it around my fingers and up into him again. I stretched him as quickly and as best as I could; my cock seemed awkward on my belly, it kept nudging at my arm, distracting me. It had reached the state where it demanded to be the number one priority of my young life, and I was keen to agree. Heero arched above me, and maybe it was uncomfortable for him, but he was impatient too, I could tell. “I’m fine,” he said. “It’s good…” He didn’t exactly push my hand away, but his knees gripped at me and he started to lower himself down, so I grasped his hips instead. I wanted to ask him if he was sure about this – but I also wanted to be deep inside him. Then my mouth was too dry to argue the point anyway, and next thing I knew my cock was pressing against warm skin and easing its way through the initial resistance, and then the head burst hungrily into him.

I gasped; he groaned.

I’d been content with just his hands on my torso, I kept telling myself. After all, I’d never expected to be truly happy again. I’d thought I’d never see him again; I’d built a wall of self-disgust and untenable resentment and I’d been fucking proud of it. Yeah, I had been a prick. And instead of being left to wallow in a pit of my own making, I’d been given a second chance to talk to him again, and hold him, and now to fuck him –

I held him tightly, and I moved in and out of him as smoothly as I could, as if each stroke was as precious as molten gold. His skin was slick with sweat, and my fingers slipped a little when they rested on the glossy surface of his scar. I felt the pressure of his thighs on me and the warm, silky contrast of his balls against my groin. He was panting, and at some point he started to take control of it all, moving his hips up and down according to his own rhythm. It didn’t bother me – I was on my own private expressway and I knew I was losing myself without a map all over again.

I grunted softly and he dropped his head to look at me, his dark hair falling messily over his forehead. His dark blue eyes glinted out from underneath it. I watched him rise up on me, then sink back down. A rivulet of sweat trickled down between his nipples.

“Never been anything like it,” he whispered. “Never been anything like you…”

I sobbed aloud - swear to God I did. It had been too long for me, too, and what defences did I have against such pleasure? “I’m sorry,” I gasped, and fuck knows what I was apologising for. “I’m sorry. I never meant – it’s – perfect, so -“

The incoherence snatched at my throat again, closing it to nothing but guttural sounds. My legs tensed and my hands gripped him way too fiercely, but I wasn’t really in control of anything anymore. I dragged him down on me, trying to get deeper and deeper inside him; I panted; I cried out, none too quietly. He took a hand away from the couch and grabbed the hair at the back of my neck, wrenching my face up to look at him. His lips were pursed – he looked grimly beautiful. We glared at each other, and then as the climax started to roll its relentless path through my body and my limbs started to shudder, we clung closely to each other. He dropped forward to press more of his upper body against me, his reawakened erection squeezed almost angrily between our heaving bodies. I licked at his skin, desperate for his taste; I stretched my head up, bracing my teeth against his neck.

I heard his growl, and then felt the warm wetness of his cum against my belly, as he climaxed again. I don’t remember many more details, or not any that made any sense. My climax was wild and messy and my head throbbed like when I’d been shot, when I felt nothing but sharp sensation and the falling, falling…

I shouted, maybe, and I was dreadfully afraid I sobbed. But my hips lifted up from the couch and my sweaty flesh slapped fiercely against his, and I pumped for an impossibly long time up into him, again and again, never wanting to lose that feeling, never wanting to lose that touch, that intimacy.

Never wanting to lose him.

Day Three 18:10

I guess in the movies the lovers lie post-coitally in bed, heads sinking into plump pillows, arms artfully draped over each other, while maybe sharing a cigarette. Their upper bodies shine with an attractively-lit sheen of sweat, and the bright white, well-laundered sheet crumples modestly over their legs.

Life ain’t like the movies – we all know that, don’t we? But at that moment, I’d rather have had my real life any day.

I was slumped back on the couch and Heero was sat back on his knees on the floor beside me, his upper body leaning over on to my lap. If he turned his head just that little bit more, he’d be staring directly into my groin and he could reach over and take a taste of my cock, his firm lips enclosing the crown, his strong tongue teasing the fragile skin that strained round the shaft…

I was getting hard again. It defied medical science. I thought I’d already died from joy.

The discarded hand towel laid an arm’s length away from him on the floor – he’d been using it to wipe us both down. A stray bead of sweat ran down his upper arm, but he ignored it now. A small sigh escaped him.

“You said something last night,” I murmured. He raised himself a few inches on his elbow and looked across at me. He licked his lips and my cock stirred gently on its bed of curls, maybe in anticipation. What the fuck are you doing, Duo, I thought helplessly, opening up these wounds again? “You said about falling for me.”

He nodded, and his body shifted deliciously against my cooling torso. “It’s true – always has been. I just never told you properly. I should have told you a whole lot more, but it was never my forte. Though I admit I didn’t try hard enough.”

He looked back down at my body and sighed into my lap. I watched my pubic hairs part accommodatingly for his breath. This was where I wanted to be, right? Who I wanted to be with. I should never have let myself lose it all. “And I should have told you a whole lot less,” I said, hesitantly. “I should have learned when to keep my mouth shut.”

“But that’s not your way, Duo. If you weren’t talking –“

“- we were fucking. Yeah, right.”

He grumbled a little, and lifted his head again. “It’s not that simple.”

“I fucked up.” That’s simple, right?

“No,” he said. “We both made mistakes. Get over it, Duo. Trust me…”

“I do!” I protested, but not convincingly. It wasn’t him at fault, though, was it, after all? “I pushed you too hard. I accused you of things I’m so fucking ashamed of I can’t even bring myself to apologise for them. I let you down when you needed me.”

Then he lifted himself up even more, kneeling up on the floor, his bare skin sticking and unsticking against mine in all kinds of places. His eyes were dark and angry. “This is what really pisses me off, Duo. I never blamed you for those things, not like you seemed to think. I was angry with you – yes, lots of times! Especially at that stupid fight… I punched you, right? You were talking such crap - I was talking such crap too, but I didn’t know how to stop you… But hell, my anger didn’t come anywhere near, did it? Nowhere near the anger you had for yourself.”

“I – I never did –“

“Yes, you fucking did!” The couch shook underneath us with his exclamation. “Will you trust me on this, too?” He bit at his lip. His hand touched briefly at my jaw, as if tracing the shape of where he’d marked me all those months ago, then he drew it back. “You’re fine as you are – you’re good. You’re so good! I fell for you just as you were and I stayed with you because of what I knew you could be. That’s what I wanted! I never went seeking anyone else in bed, like I said – but not just there. I never wanted anyone else, period. I tried to make it work with us – I tried, but badly, and I blame myself for what I did wrong, but I want to make it good again.” He shrugged, and flushed again. “I suspect you didn’t know what to think of me half the time.”

I had to laugh at that. “I thought you the greatest thing that had ever happened to my life! I did from day one.” Fuck, didn’t I ever tell him that?

He looked almost shocked. “I thought you just said things like that for fun. I thought it was all just a game to you.”

“No, “I protested, but gently now. His vehemence had shamed me. I’d been wallowing, all right; shit, I’d turned my humiliation and misery into a career in itself. Everything had sunk into self, self, self, but now – well, now I had another body and another mind and another soul to be considering, didn’t I? I shifted a little to be able to touch him better, but I was damned careful not to push him away. I didn’t want to be disturbed from my current position, where I could feel the gentle stirrings of his cock against my leg. “Maybe that’s how I played it at first, Heero – but I was a prick, wasn’t I? I told you I was.”

“It was strong stuff – they way we felt.” His hand came back to my face and I nuzzled up against it.

“Strong stuff? Fuck, we were in each other’s pants before we even knew how many sugars we took in our tea or what newspapers we read.”

Now it was his turn to smile. “How should the game have been played then, Duo? I think we both needed some guidance.”

“Got none.”

“No,” he agreed. Our eyes met.

“More of a partnership, I guess,” I hazarded.

“Like we have been these last couple of days? Like we’re facing up to this crisis now?”

“Yeah. We’re pretty damned good at that, aren’t we?”

“Pretty damned good,” he echoed. “When we’re not fucking, of course.”

I started to shake my head at him, laughing again, but he reached to nibble at my ear and I kind of forgot the plot.

He looked askance at me, wary again. “I still feel like that, Duo. It’s still strong stuff for me.”

“Me too,” I whispered back. I felt a breath of relaxation expel from me. It felt like a wall crumbling in my chest.

He’d sunk back on to his haunches, his body nestling back on mine. I hadn’t mistaken the stirrings between his legs. Goose bumps ran the length of my thigh. “It’s been pretty bad without you,” he murmured.

“You’re preaching to the converted,” I announced in reply, almost cheerfully. “On my part, I can safely say it’s been shit! You’re the one who spotted it. I never settled properly here, never got my stuff round me, never put any effort into bringing old friendships over – I never felt right, here on my own.”

“You never set your music up…”

I shook my head. “Nah. It was my punishment, I think. This trailer was never meant to be anything but a bolt hole.”

“You have friends here. You get along with everyone, Duo…”

I smiled, and a stray thread of his hair snagged at the corner of my mouth. “Sure, that’s Duo Maxwell, that’s Max, the trailer me. Friends with everyone. The only guy I ever had trouble with was you. Still do. I hurt you – “

“I’m tougher than you think, maybe. Tougher than you in many things.”

I started to protest, but decided against it. “Enough already. We’re just different.”

He laughed softly against my skin. “I don’t want to be you, Duo. Old or new. I just want to be with you. I want to do it all again, Duo. I want to try for that partnership – to get it right.”

“A complement, not a conflict?” I mused.

“Yes.” He shifted himself up again and one of his hands ran lightly down my hip. I felt the pads of his fingers smooth along the muscles in my thigh, felt him nudge my legs apart. “Though the friction between us isn’t so bad, sometimes.”

I arched gently underneath him, like a well fed cat who could still find some appetite for dessert. “I want to be with you too, Heero. Look, it’s not easy - I guess I still talk shit, I’ll still provoke…”

“And I’ll still struggle with it. We’re well matched in many ways. But you know how I feel. We can start over, but both coming from the same place now.”

“Fuck,” I sighed. “You’ll be telling me we’re growing up, next. Cut the sap – touch me right there, again, instead.” He did. My legs trembled; I moaned in the back of my throat. “Three days ago I hated your guts, Heero Yuy.”

He was licking at my left nipple, but he could still reply. “I wasn’t too keen on seeing you again, either. Both liars, right?”

“They say hate is sometimes only the flip side of love.” I listened to my voice saying it, and I was startled.

He drew in a sudden, sharp breath. Guess he was startled too. “Now who’s spouting sap? Is that what it is for you, Duo?”

“Yeah,” I said, feeling a great sense of relief at admitting it; at making myself so vulnerable; at wallowing in such a pathetic dose of sap; at exposing my fucking stupidity even more boldly –

“Good,” he replied, softly. He shifted on the couch, running his lips down my torso, fingers following, trailing down across the ticklish skin of my sides.

I waited for him to say some more – maybe say that it was love for him, too. Then I realised I didn’t need that. What more did the poor idiot have to do or say to make it clear to me? That’s what it was about… the understanding, without having things spelled out to me. The trust in the other person – the ability to take some things for granted.

“So if you’re not talking…” came his muffled voice. “What about some more of the fucking?”

I smiled. His lips were sliding down my belly; my cock was nosing up at him, shiny drops at its tip, blatantly begging. Just like the old days… “Heero…” I sighed. “Fucking stupid time to be planning a future with some lunatic about to arrive. That occurred to you?”

“Yes,” he whispered. He licked almost aimlessly at me – I arched up sharply and gasped my pleasure. This couch was no movie star’s bed, but at the moment I’d have rolled over on heated coals if he’d asked it.

“We’ll be OK,” I said, demanding that he believe it. That I believed it. “Just got to get through this.”

“Uh-huh,” he grunted. He had a mouthful of me and sanity said I shouldn’t really have been distracting him. “Of course we will.”

“That’s what we want –“ I began.

“What I want is your ass,” he finished. His growl was almost feral. Did I like this predatory Heero, or what? “Will you shut up and let that occur to me?”

He rolled me willingly on to my belly – he drew me up on to my knees and ran his lips across the soft hairs on my thighs and ass. I nearly came from that alone. His fingertips probed gently at me, parting my cheeks and finally licking very purposefully – and eagerly - along my crack. I gripped at the tubular arm of the couch and I opened quite shamelessly to him, like I had from the first time I met him – like I’d decided by now that I always wanted to.

He was almost too careful with me when he thrust in, lying just inside my entrance long enough to let me adapt to the intrusion. But when he started to move fully up inside me I pressed back to encourage him, and then we found a rocking rhythm that was going to send both of us off some kind of orgasmic cliff like lemmings.

I tried not to cry out, tried not to shout and babble with the swelling excitement and the rush of ecstasy. Obviously I didn’t succeed; I never had done, not with him. I was briefly glad that none of Junk’s younger kids were around to hear the astonishing variety of swear words and sexual exhortations that I offered up as I came – then I’d come, and I was limp underneath him and the couch was stickily wet, and I just held him and didn’t want to let go.

The coffee he’d made us earlier lay untouched and forgotten. We had other tastes to satisfy us.

Day Three 19:35

I stood inside my trailer, facing the door. It was slightly ajar and the furniture had been moved around to allow us better access in the cramped room. I was freshly showered – again – and fully dressed in shirt and jeans. So was Heero. We’d even eaten – just some stuff on toast that I hadn’t really noticed because I’d preferred to catch his hand and lick the butter off his fingers and watch the lustful smile creep across his mouth.

We’d stopped talking a while ago. We didn’t need to chat. We wanted to touch, so we kept doing that, and that was enough for anyone.

I’d been standing in this position for twenty minutes now. I knew Greg was coming.

I was ready for him.