Disclaimer: I don’t own ‘em, wish I did, just enjoy
writing about ‘em for free etc
Pairings: 1+2
Category: Duo POV, romance
Warnings: Yaoi, lime.
Spoilers: None
Notes: Duo
is struggling with life; and Christmas seems the worst time of all on your
own. Help comes from unexpected
quarters.
A
special birthday present for
Feedback: If you liked it, PLEASE let me know!
“Christmas away? I don’t think so!” I laughed loudly, ignoring the slight chill
in the pit of my stomach. It was
probably due to the TV dinner I ate last night, anyway.
“Come on Duo!” wheedled Quatre. “It’ll be fun! There’s nothing else going on here –
everyone’s visiting family. It’s just us
lot, on our own – we thought we’d hire this log cabin, get the fire going,
drink hot chocolate, toast marshmallows –“
Trowa was wincing behind him; he caught my eye and
grinned. “I know Quatre may live in a
Warner Brothers world,” he sighed. “But
he’s right about the cabin – it’s no luxury home, because there’s very little
left to book this late in the day. But
it’s comfortable, and plenty of space for us all, and it’s on a site with some
great walks, and views from the hills –“
“- like you always enjoy,” butted in Wufei. It was an unusual comment for him to make –
I’d never thought he noticed what I liked or not.
They were all gathered in the lounge of my
apartment. It was a bit crowded, but I’d
refused the offer to meet them in town. Too busy, y’know? And
anyway, I can rustle up a better sandwich than those trendy coffee bars…
“A week away…” continued Quatre. “No ‘phones, no internet access –“
I flicked a gaze at Heero, wondering how he’d cope
with that. He was staring back at me,
which was a bit of a shock to start with.
I cleared a tight throat. “Hey fellas, sounds great. But I just can’t imagine being away at
Christmas – doesn’t seem right…”
“You got a better offer, Maxwell?” growled Wufei.
“Not yet…” I mumbled.
Of course I hadn’t! Where’d I get
a better offer from? Any offer
from? These guys were my only friends
nowadays – my only social life. I wasn’t
sure when it had all slipped away – when it had all ended up with just us
five. Or rather – the
four of them, and me.
“You need – well, it’ll be good to take some time
out, to come away for a while,” smiled Quatre.
Just a little nervously; and so little that he thought I didn’t notice. “We’ll all be there – we’ll travel together,
we’ll probably have to share rooms…”
This was sounding a little like an escorted tour for
an invalid relative. I was getting
fidgetty.
“We’ll come and pick you up Friday morning.” Heero
spoke, at last. His voice was low and
steady in the small room. Always made me turn to him, instinctively.
I tried not to, today. Worries were nagging at me, many and varied;
the echo of his voice made them snigger, and curl even closer to my chest.
“Don’t bother, man,” I almost snapped.
There were glances flashing between the guys. At my expense, I suspected. Like I often caught murmurs behind my back –
caught glimpses of something pitying in their expressions.
“Anyway, I got things to do. Why don’t you leave me to it, and we’ll speak
again soon. OK?”
They seemed at a loss for any further words. They started filing out. I could feel my heartbeat steadying again.
Heero stayed for longer than the others, staring at
me.
“What is it?” I asked. I guess I sounded rather belligerent. “I can’t help it if it doesn’t seem right –
being away from home for my Christmas.
It’s a special time, y’know?”
He opened his mouth, but then it looked as though he
rethought. He swallowed instead, and
then he did speak, slowly and carefully.
Like always.
“No, I don’t know, Duo. I never had a Christmas like yours.”
He turned, as the last one to leave, and closed the
door behind him.
*
Christmas is a time for the past, isn’t it? I needed my things round me. My memories. My souvenirs. I even decided to put the decorations up that
very afternoon, a coupla days early.
I muttered to myself as I worked. No need to go travelling round the country,
for God’s sake! Jeez, I couldn’t
remember the last time I went away. Well
– the last time I went anywhere, actually. I seemed to be spending more and more time in
the apartment nowadays.
Couldn’t see any reason to go out. Felt a strange panic in my chest when I
did. It’d been that way for the last
coupla months. Quatre wanted to explain
it away as being something to do with the inactivity – with the end of the war,
and this strange, limbo time, when none of us had a proper role. The others seemed to be treating it like a
holiday – they seemed to be finding other entertainments to keep themselves
busy.
I just hadn’t found any entertainment myself,
yet. And I thought that Quatre’d given
up trying to get me to see it the same way they did.
I pitched up the plastic tree that I picked up some
years ago – the one we used to have a good laugh over. Then the cute Snoopy dog toy on the top,
courtesy of Wufei’s twisted sense of humour – and the baubles donated by
Quatre. Trowa made some glittered
streamers - even Heero had added some crackers he got given at a restaurant
once. Last year we’d drunk some beer
together and toasted the tree, then gone out on the town and partied like the
last mission might be the last.
That was the way, then.
I stared at the tree, willing those memories
back. Took quite some effort, and I
can’t say it was entirely successful.
‘A Christmas like mine,’
Heero had said. Guess he never did have
a proper celebration, wherever he was dragged up. He’d really enjoyed last year, as I
remember. What was that joke that
cracked us up? Just us two – the others
thought we were mad! We laughed about
it, on and off, for days. Just took a
word to remind us – to start it all up again.
Leaning on each other, tears of laughter on our faces. Oh, I couldn’t remember it, now, could I – ? But I didn’t
remember finding any joke quite as funny, in all the last year. Couldn’t remember laughing
like that with Heero - with anyone - ever since.
I settled back on the couch, the lassitude creeping
over me as usual.
Anyway, I used to have great times at the orphanage,
didn’t I? Christmas was a big event for
us.
I guess I musta dozed off.
*
It was obviously a dream, but it was very clear in my
mind – I was back there, back at the orphanage.
Church bells, setting out the nativity scene. Carrying the large Advent
candles like they were so precious.
Eating cake.
God, I loved Sister’s Christmas cake, even when it was a bit short on
the fruit! She’d make up for that with
an extra stir of whisky in it…
Ghosts of Christmas Past, I smiled to myself, even in
my dream. What was that guy called in
the Dickens book? Scrooge – Ebenezer
Scrooge. He was visited by the ghosts of
Christmases Past, Present and Future.
Quaint idea – I couldn’t remember the rest of the book.
But the dream was changing. I knew it was still Christmas, but there was
no Father Maxwell, no Sister Helen. No
fellow orphans. It was another year,
even earlier – I couldn’t have told you which.
But it was horribly familiar.
I was out of the orphanage, out on my own. Never more so than then.
There was snow.
There was a cold, wet feeling that was soaking my clothes. I had no boots. There were bells again in the background, but
they weren’t for me. I shook my head,
but I didn’t seem to be able to wake up.
I was being visited by my own, special ghost.
Dammit, I didn’t believe in ghosts! Life was too bad in reality; you didn’t need
ghosts to scare you as well.
But the dream kept coming.
Another Christmas Heero never had.
Just me. On
the streets. Off the streets. Some harsh, hairy hands, brutal on my skinny
neck, too strong to fight off.
Just me – a Christmas present for others. Whether I wanted to be or not. Wrapped, or – I shied away from too painful
thoughts – unwrapped. Those hands were
doing that to me, pulling me apart, looking for some entertainment from me and
my poor, thin limbs. I heard some
hideous joke, in a deep, ugly voice - about Santa coming early for this poor
fucker … There was a background of other laughter now – callous, cruel laughter. There were others watching – waiting to join
in.
The dream – mercifully – faded.
*
The phone rang very early the next day. I snatched it up, burrowing out of my quilt,
mumbling some response. Damn headache
already – it had been a rough night.
“Duo?”
Like – who else was it gonna be, answering my phone,
in my bed?
“Hey, Heero – what time is it? You gone yet?”
“Hn. No – I’m
– we’re waiting to hear you’ve packed and are coming with us.”
I groaned, and wriggled myself up against the
headboard. “Nah – don’t hold your
breath, buddy. I told ya, didn’t I? I got a Christmas here, all lined up. You all go and have a great time, with Q’s
marshmallows ‘n all. I’ll see you all
for New Year.”
“I thought – well, we may stay over for New Year.”
That chill was back in my stomach again.
“Yeah – well – I mean, great, that’ll be fine. You’ll love it. Have – have a good celebration.”
“What about you?”
I grimaced, glad I didn’t have a video phone. Damn man was like a terrier! I could imagine his little frown now, his
eyes darkening. Hooded by those
lids. Pursing those lips. Damn lips…
“I’m fine, like I said. Got a coupla parties to choose from on the
night. Probably stay over… call on
someone or other…”
The line was quiet for a while. Too long for normal conversation. Quite normal for Heero Yuy. I was used to waiting for his replies. Though I wasn’t sure I wanted this
conversation at all today.
“We’re going to leave on Friday morning. About 10.”
“Yeah – whatever.
I won’t come see you off, I’ll be pretty busy.”
“Duo…”
“See you next year, Heero.”
He was silent, so I hung up. Annoyed that I felt the awkward one.
*
That night I had cheese on toast, like I had some
kinda death wish. Double slices. I mean, it always gives me nightmares,
doesn’t it?
That night’s dream was also very vivid.
It was Christmas Day already. I knew it, though there was nothing specific
to tell me so. Not in the past, like I
dreamed last night, but the present. As
it would be, a few days hence. I was in
the apartment - the tree looked the same – the decorations looked the
same. All five of ‘em.
Whole damn apartment looked the same. Still, silent and bleak. With just me to see.
I opened a beer.
Drank it like there was some kind of challenge on. Flipped open another, and went to the kitchen
to start cooking the turkey.
Then time seemed to have passed, and there was no
sign of a turkey, just the remains of more cheese on toast, and I was
surrounded by a lot of empty beer cans.
The TV was on, and – yet again – they were running It’s A Wonderful
Life. Worst of all, I was watching it
with rapt attention!
I was definitely going to go out, to call someone
up. But the door handle seemed like a
mile away. The phone had vanished. I couldn’t move my legs, though it didn’t
seem to bother me much at first.
There was no sound from the apartment block; not the
usual slamming of doors, the clatter of feet on the stairs. Everyone had gone.
There was no noise from outside, either. Hell, this was the rather unfashionable part
of town – there was always some horn blaring, some car alarm shrieking. Some guys yelling from open windows at anyone
who’d listen. But there was nothing
tonight.
And then the trail of fear snuck around me; cold and
damp like a neglected stairwell, smelling of piss and covered in crude
graffiti, it curled its way around and up inside my gut. I was damn scared, and I knew there was
no-one I could call. No-one there. Anywhere. I don’t know why it was Heero’s name that I
was trying to speak, but my lips were too swollen to work properly.
I knew that he wouldn’t be there, even if I did call.
I was totally alone.
I woke up, sweating.
There was the suspicion of dried tears on my cheeks.
Thank God it was just a nightmare, eh?
*
The damn phone rang again, at some godforsaken
hour. It felt like I’d only just slipped
back to sleep after my restless night.
There was nothing to get up for yet, was there? It was the holiday!
I snatched the phone up again. Mumble, mumble, I went.
“Duo?”
I resisted the sarcastic response. Again.
“Hey, Heero, you again!” He was never the best phone caller – he musta
drawn the short straw or something, having to check up on me, two days in a
row.
“Are you packed yet? We leave tomorrow morning.”
“I’m not coming, remember?” Guess he was already packed, Mr Efficient ‘n
all. That’s why he got the task of
harassing me.
“I think – you should come, Duo.”
“You do, do you?” I grumbled, hauling myself upright
again. “Since when have you been my
personal life advisor?” Back off, Heero,
was the growing thought. I could feel
the resentment and the fear rising up in me.
“We - want you to come.”
“Yeah,” I quipped.
“I know Q does, he needs someone to make the brownies –“
“Hn. No. I want you to come.”
Strange little pause, there. I assumed I’d misheard over the crackling
line. “What’s up? Not got enough players for Monopoly?”
There was a sound like Heero tsked. “You’re a damn fool, sometimes. There are plenty of other people on the site,
if we want company.”
“Others?” It
was a shock to me, to think of my friends with other people. What was up with me?
“Yes. There
are other groups. Other guys. We can be as sociable or not, as we please.”
Other guys?
That chill was back.
“Duo? Are you
listening to me?”
“Yeah, Heero.
You said – you can be sociable, if you please. You gonna manage that, man?”
That was a cheap shot from me. Sure, he wasn’t Mr Party. He took some time to open up and talk
personally. To be approachable. But I knew he could do that, when he chose.
Did it for me once before, didn’t he?
That had been a really bad move of mine. I’d been feeling really low, like I do
sometimes. Well, I’ve learned by now, to
keep myself outta circulation when I feel like that. Well… I do that all the time, now,
really. But this was several months ago,
and I went round to Heero’s, thinking the guys were all there. He was on his own, though he invited me in
happily enough. He was just out of the
shower, hadn’t pulled a shirt on yet. I
thought he looked pleased to see me, which shows how pathetically desperate I
was then.
We talked for a long time – OK, it was more like he
listened, and I rambled on, but I felt surprisingly better for it. He can be pretty calming company. I guess I hadn’t spent much time with him on
his own before. I was lulled into some
kinda optimism again. What a dork!
And then we’d been laughing, and he’d been so
relaxed, and so half-dressed, and those lips so damn kissable…
I still go warm at the memory. Use it – to my shame – on some nights, when I
need some comfort, and have only my hand to shake it out of me. I’d pressed up against him, hard against the
kitchen table, taken his face in my hands and kissed him with everything I’d
got. He tasted gorgeous – soft, and
tough all at once. A mix of warm skin,
and cool strength. What a cocktail! I suppose I shoulda been surprised that he
let my tongue in, but he was obviously in shock. I went on tasting him, regardless.
I can’t remember if either of us said anything
afterwards. We were both pretty flushed,
though.
I left really quickly – I could see him moving in on
me, to slap me around, I daresay. I
thought if I got out fast, we could both pretend it was my big mistake, and
that I was slightly unbalanced that night.
Guess I was, too.
I have been, for a long time.
Anyway, he never referred to it again.
Being a good friend, I suppose.
And I could be one of those, too. “OK, Heero.
You enjoy some of that company, some of those other guys. It’s – it’ll be good for you. It’s no matter to me.”
Silence again, and the thud of me putting the phone
down.
I went back to bed.
*
I stayed off the cheese that night, but the dreams
still came.
It was a weird one this time, as well. Still Christmas. But like it was in the future – I didn’t recognise
the streets around my place like I should; there seemed to be new apartment
blocks sprung up. Trees looked taller –
brickwork was worn and broken in places.
I was near the mall – I was looking down on things,
like some kinda guardian angel. I could
see the busy street, shops opening late, people rushing about with heavy bags,
wrapped up in scarves and hats. Kids
shrieking. Cars passing the kerb with
that slushing sound that showed it had rained earlier. Maybe even snowed.
I saw Trowa there, with Quatre. Hey, that was cute! He had his arm round the blond’s waist. I always suspected they had a thing for each
other! As I watched, Q wriggled in his
grip, turned his face to him, and he kissed his nose. If that were now, I thought, I’d have thrown
up on the spot! How cheesy can you
get? But it didn’t seem out of order in
my dream.
A cab pulled up at the kerb, the door opened, and
they were beckoned in. They had trouble
loading all their shopping, and a couple of other passengers got out to let
them squeeze into the back. It was Wufei
and Heero. Of course it was. Wufei was grinning, calling to a girl in the
mall; he slapped Heero on the shoulder and set off to go meet her.
Heero looked different, somehow. Sort of – older. Taller.
Hair cut shorter. More grown up.
Whatever. He
looked damn good. Even with his collar
turned up high against the cold, and a nose turning pink. I guess he was going off for some Christmas
celebration with the guys.
Where was I in
all this? came the soft, insidious
sneer.
And then another guy came over from a nearby sports
shop. Some kinda jock. Good looking enough, if you like that kinda
neanderthal look. He stood talking to
Heero and the others, then slammed the door shut on Trowa and Q, and he and Heero
– Jock and Heero - waved the cab away.
The pair of them turned back, perhaps to look for another cab, and
that’s when I saw it.
Jock’s hand on Heero’s ass. Very firmly, very confidently. In a very proprietary way.
And his hands were still attached to his wrists. Which meant that Heero didn’t mind.
I wanted to shout to him – but if I did, I never
heard it. They certainly didn’t.
And still no sign of me…
….time passed…
They were all together, now, the four guys and some
others, and they were having a Christmas party.
Looked like Trowa’s apartment, and somehow I could see all rooms at
once. I could see the kitchen, where
Trowa and Quatre were crushed up against the fridge, hands all over each other,
snogging for America. Quatre had been mixing
punch, but the bottle was dropping from his hand now, unheeded, pouring merrily
into the already-too-full bowl; he’d obviously got other things on his
mind! I could see Wufei in the hall,
sat on the bench by the phone, holding court to a bunch of guys about some
crucial issue like the origin of Santa’s reindeer, I dunno, whatever. They were laughing with him, and coming back
with quips, and that slim, dark-haired girl I’d seen in the mall was with him.
Was I there?
There was music in the lounge; there was a queue
already for the bathroom. No – it was
just Heero and Jock. He seemed to have
been invited, too. There was mistletoe
hanging in the lobby, and when the previous girl came out of the toilet with an
apologetic grin, and Heero made his way in, it was directly over his head.
Bloody stupid tradition, I’ve always said so! Why the hell do people think they should kiss just ‘cos there’s a pile of berries like bird droppings about to fall on their hair?
But Jock was smiling (perfect fucking teeth, of
course) and he was sliding a hand round Heero’s waist, and teasing him to wait
a while, to come back out into the lobby with him. And Heero was smiling back. Not so broadly, I guess, but it wasn’t
exactly discouraging.
Wait! Wait!
But my gaze swung away without my permission, and I
lost that scene as quickly as I found it.
Now I was overlooking the kitchen again, and Quatre looked drunkenly
distraught; there was drink all down his best pants from the overflowing punch
bowl. Trowa was laughing, and I just
knew from his besotted grin that he was suggesting he didn’t need a glass, he
could just suck it up straight from there…
And then that joke was told, somewhere in the
apartment. You know, that joke,
the one that Heero and I…
I started laughing, rather too loudly. No-one heard me, though.
Other people were laughing, but no-one I knew. And definitely not the guys.
I saw Heero’s face go white, and I saw Trowa’s eyes
close, and even Wufei stopped talking, his lips pursed together. Quatre – well, I swear he was about to
cry! Trowa left him, swiftly, and went
to tell whoever it was to shut up.
Anyway, the joke stopped in mid-flow, and I still
can’t bloody well remember what it was about!
Things seemed to get out of hand after that. The music was turned up really loud, and none
of my guys seemed much in the party mood anymore.
Guess I wasn’t going to find out if Jock got his
tongue in Heero’s mouth after all.
And where the hell was I? Why did the whole damn thing seem more like a
wake than a party?
And then I woke.
Full of fear and suspicion and an overwhelming feeling that this was
gonna be the last damn Christmas I ever saw.
The sweat was soaking my vest; my heart was racing
furiously.
Damn dreams! I berated myself. None of that was true, not now, not this
year. But I knew – of course – that it
might be. Maybe my Christmas Future. It made me feel sick.
So – said a small, relentless little
nag inside me - what was I gonna do about it?
*
It was Friday morning, however much I didn’t want to
have noticed.
I’d slept, like, two hours out of the whole night, and I felt like death that hadn’t even been warmed up. But instead of diving back under the covers – my usual hideaway – I felt an irresistible urge to get up. To get dressed. To find company.
To find his company.
When was the last time I felt such energy? Such a desire to do something?
I stared at myself in the mirror. At the thin face and the dull eyes. Even the hair was limp – I washed it quickly,
twice over, knowing I’d have to braid it wet, but I couldn’t bear the lifeless
sheen any longer. I found clean clothes
– I threw some others in a case.
What had I been doing all these months?
You know what you’ve been doing, Duo, I told
myself. You’ve been hiding. Thinking it’ll all go away if you don’t look
at it. The biggest change in your life
for years. The biggest upheaval – the
uncertainty of a new life. You’ve been scared by it.
Yeah, I admitted.
And scared of my friends. Scared
to admit I wanted to be with them.
Needed them. Guess I thought I
could return to those days when I didn’t have anyone. So I’m a stupid, short-sighted moron, sure, sure…
I was feeling kinda excited about going away, after
all. I mean, it might take a little
courage to get outside that door in the first place -
I rang Heero, because that was the first number I
could remember. The first guy I wanted
to talk to.
The phone rang and rang. I didn’t bother trying any of the others,
because I knew they’d be together. There
was no answer, and after a long while my hand started to cramp up. I had to hang up.
So there
you are, Maxwell, I told
myself. Fucked it all up – told ‘em to forget you, and they did! I was
beginning to realise that I’d done this for months now – gradually getting more
and more insular, resisting friendship, slapping away the hands that would have
helped me. Again and again, I’d met
other people’s enthusiasm and plans and banter with plain old misery. Debilitating misery. A creeping pessimism that would eventually
get everyone down.
What sorta company would I
have been? I thought. Like, Christmas
spirit is my middle name? I think not!
No wonder they’d set out without me after all. Like I told ‘em to.
I was too late, obviously.
*
I was gonna go back to bed. Try and recapture that dream, in some weird,
masochistic way, and watch Heero and Jock make out under the Christmas
stars. Like Heero deserved some good-looking,
clear-minded guy. One who wouldn’t annoy
the hell out of him like I did. Though
someone that clean-cut would probably kiss like a limp Beanie Baby, I reasoned,
snidely. And wouldn’t give him the
amount of backchat that was needed to keep him on his toes. Wouldn’t know what Heero had been through in
all those years – what had made him the guy he was today.
All those years – when I’d been with him.
I slammed the bedroom door so hard that I heard the
handle fall off from inside. I grabbed
my coat and bag and some money, cramming it into my pocket, and lurched towards
the front door. Towards the outside
world. Two doors, two short flights of
stairs, and I’d be out there.
I steeled my shaking nerves. I wasn’t gonna stop for long enough to get
scared again.
I flung open the door out of the building, and the
crisp morning air hit me like a slap. I
heard myself panting, too loudly. What
the hell was I doing? Did I think I was
gonna walk there, to an anonymous log cabin, in a place I didn’t even
know the name of, looking for a guy I didn’t even know would want to know me -?
My legs felt weak.
And Heero was waiting there, on the driveway, leant
against his jeep.
“You -? When -?”
“Since dawn,” he replied, to the question I couldn’t
seem to articulate fully.
“Why -?”
“You need to be ready for 10. Trowa’s driving first shift, and he won’t
want to be late starting out.”
“I – I only got a coupla things in a bag –“
“If you need to get anything else, I’ll wait.” His gentle stare met my confusion
head-on. I saw then that there were way
more answers in his eyes than any of my questions would ever need.
“You’re not taking me like some charity case -!” I was using anger, my favourite friend, for
when I got emotional.
Heero stared at me with some amazement. Bless him, he’d never seemed like Mr Smooth
Talker, but I could rely on him to deliver anything straight. “It’s not pity, Duo! We want you to come. We always have. We want your company. We –“
He paused, watching my instinctive, cynical sneer.
“- I want your company, Duo. I want to share Christmas with you. It’s a special time, you said. Can’t you find a corner to share with me?”
Something twisted awkwardly in my chest. “I – I was gonna call –“
Heero just ignored my stammering. He walked over and took my arm. The touch was like electricity through my
body.
“I want to be with you, Duo. Dammit, I’ve wanted to be with you ever since
that time we kissed. It was like I
caught fire! I wanted to do it again,
but you ran like a frightened rabbit, and I haven’t seen anything in you since,
to encourage me – I thought I’d scared you off.”
“No, I –“
“This week away, Duo,” he murmured softly. His breath was on my neck and I felt strength
returning. All over. I was like putty in his hands – astonished,
but increasingly happy putty. “We can
talk about it, perhaps? But you must
come with me. You must trust me.”
“Damn you, Heero,” I growled. “Don’t I have a say in it all?”
And this time, he kissed me. It started very gently, but it pressed me
back against the doorframe, and his hands held me there until I responded. He didn’t have to wait long.
“Are you packed, Duo?” His voice was still close to my ear, but his
mouth was smiling now. His hand stroked
my damp hair, as I nodded. “Come with me
now, then – I really don’t want to wait any longer.”
“I – I’m – pretty flaky, Heero, at the moment, y’know
–“
He murmured again, and his lips touched at my cheek,
his fingertips at my chin. “Lose the
ghosts, Duo. There’s so much ahead of us
to enjoy; I want to convince you of that.
Let me make new memories with you.”
It was his reference to ghosts that stirred me. I had to ask…
“Heero – d’you remember that joke we thought was so
funny?”
He didn’t need any other reminder, though he was
obviously puzzled at the way my befuddled brain was working. He smiled and nodded. “Sure.
That’s how I always think of you, Duo, laughing at that joke. Laughing with me. That’s how I’d remember you, if ever anything
happened to – “
“Don’t!” I snapped, and he stopped talking
immediately. But his hands slipped to my
shoulders, and they held me tight.
“Heero…sorry,” I sighed. “Y’see, I wanna think about it, too. But you’re gonna have to remind me about
it. Will you do that - later?”
“Sure.” He
looked at me for a long time, without speaking.
Without breaking eye contact. As
if he were trying to reassure me of his presence. I felt his heart beating against mine; his
hands on my arms. Felt really good, like
bits of me were slowly thawing under the touch of his palms. I hadn’t realised I was so damn frozen…
I reckoned his expression was trying to show me
something. It certainly didn’t look like
pity, that was for sure – I mean, I didn’t know what it was, but it felt
like a blanket around me. A warm
one. I wanted to learn to read it
properly… hey! I wanted to think I could have expectations of any kind,
really. Concerning him.
In the meantime, dredging up a surprised little
nugget of pluck from deep down inside, I thought I’d like another kiss. Wondered if that sparkle in his eye meant
that he would, too.
“So, Duo… are you coming now?”
I leant back into him, convinced – and, I confess, damn scared - that he’d reject me this time. But he didn’t. His lips were warm, just like his enfolding arms. His tongue was gentle inside my mouth, and yet so damn promising! And I could taste the responsive tingle of desire in him, too. A flash of his spirit, teasing at mine. No – there was no pity at all…
“Just one more thing, Heero – “
His eyes were very bright in the thin, sharp
air. His lips ghosted around mine, frustrated
by my talk. He gave an exaggerated, but
tolerant sigh. “Hn?”
“You promise to stay away from any jocks this
holiday, OK?”
He shook his head slowly, bemused. “You are a damn fool, Duo! I don’t know what the hell you’re talking
about.”
“Promise?” I
persisted.
His lips were silver-soft with shared moisture, and
he touched the padded flesh gently with his fingertips, as if he touched at me
– the vision lingered there too long for my comfort. He must have seen the flush that swelled high
on my cheeks. If I didn’t know what a
tight-ass he could be sometimes, I’d have said he smirked.
“So you’d better make me, Duo - OK?”
We dragged ourselves away from the wall, and I pulled
the front door shut behind me. I just knew
there was a stupid, sappy grin on my face.
But I didn’t think I’d ever cared less!
As I walked to the jeep, still a little shaky, but with my hand close to
Heero’s arm, I realised I’d left my keys in the apartment, and I didn’t know
how else I’d get back in.
Like – I can worry about that next year, can’t I?
End