1x2x1, 3x4x3, happy travel fic *lol* for Yaoi Con 2007




It had been a long flight; a long day; and now, a long wait.


Duo leaned forward over the counter of the airport desk and smiled his most charming smile.  “You’re an important guy,” he said.  “Obviously.” His eyes flickered over the security man who stood in front of him, frowning.  “Did I tell you, you look good in that cap?”


Heero was standing beside Duo.  He leant against Duo’s shoulder and hissed in his ear.  “Twice.  You told him twice already. And also that the military look suits him.  Dammit, Duo, you’ll be offering to have his babies next.”


Duo surreptitiously lifted a foot and jabbed down on Heero’s instep to shut him up.  He continued to face forward and smile. “It was all just a misunderstanding, right?  Youthful exuberance; a holiday mood.  First visit to the Golden Gate city. You know.”


The security man stared at him, expression blank.  He didn’t speak: he continued to frown.  He put his hand on the papers in front of him on the desk and slid them forward towards Duo.


Duo grimaced. “Right. The forms. The forms you need me to fill in before you’ll let me through Customs…?” The man nodded, still expressionless. “Look,” Duo wheedled.  “Isn’t there some way we can sort this out without the tedious paperwork, we’re both men of the world, right?”


Heero rolled his eyes. The man raised his eyebrows.  Duo grit his teeth.


Behind them, the rest of their travel party had other things on their mind.


“Has anyone seen my case?” Quatre’s voice was carefully polite, though with a hint of worry. “It was right beside Duo’s.”


“We’ll look for it in a minute,” Trowa replied. He patted Quatre’s shoulder, reassuringly. “Let’s just let’s sort out this problem with Duo first.”


Wufei frowned at the pair of them.  “We’re already an hour later than scheduled. I need to get to the hotel. I want a shower and a good dinner.”


Trowa bit his lip. “Like we all do.”   


“It had my name on,” said Quatre. His head was jerking from side to side, his gaze sweeping across the concourse.  His tone had risen a couple of notches.  “It’s a blue one. Good quality.  I’m sure it was labelled properly.”


Trowa took hold of Quatre’s hand. “No problem. I can lend you anything you need if it’s been misplaced…”


“No you can’t. Not from that case.” Quatre flushed.


Trowa frowned. “What did you have in it? Clothes? Toiletries?”


“More like toys,” Wufei hissed under his breath. He was trying to reach his travel documents in the bottom of his bag.


Trowa flushed, even more deeply than Quatre. He stared at the blond man beside him. “You didn’t bring them all with you? All our… stuff?”


Quatre pursed his lips. “Not all. Not the metal frames and the heavier restraints. Obviously.”


“Obviously,” smirked Wufei.


“Just the lighter things. The portable things.” Quatre started up his head swinging act again, his eyes widening with increasing panic. “Just the things in the left hand wardrobe, and the top 3 drawers. Oh, and some of the new bathroom … accessories.”


Trowa felt nausea curdling in the pit of his stomach. Quatre’s voracious and startlingly exciting sexual appetite was only surpassed by his… total lack of discretion.


Wufei snorted in his ear, brandishing the hotel booking form. “What does this mean, we’ll be sharing a room?”


Trowa frowned at him. “It’s the way it’s done at Conventions. We don’t have enough money for a room each.”


“I don’t want a room each,” snapped Wufei. He tugged at the end of his waxed ponytail, a nervous gesture he seemed to have developed since they all started out on this journey together. “I want a room for myself.  The rest of you can sleep ass to Adam’s apple as far as I’m concerned.”


Trowa raised an eyebrow – it was an interesting mental image.


Quatre didn’t seem to be listening.  He was still looking around, rather more wildly now.  “There’s no-one to ask.” He sounded very plaintive.  “The baggage handling staff has all gone.  I’m sure I saw it loaded on to the plane.”


“It was a huge damned thing,” growled Wufei.  “Maybe it bust the excess baggage limit. Maybe they thought you were smuggling in your own yaoi yacht.” He glared at Trowa, who glared back. “Maybe you could both sleep in it for the weekend, and leave the rest of us some well-deserved privacy.”  


Over at the desk, Duo’s face was rather flushed.  Obviously I haven’t explained myself well enough,” he said to the security man. “I can’t see why you’re so worried, to be honest, no-one was harmed, were they? You could hardly call it terrorist behaviour – no threat to national security.” Heero snickered, as if at a private joke. Duo grit his teeth again and glanced at his watch. “I don’t have time for forms, you see.”


Behind him, Heero stroked a hand carelessly across Duo’s hip.  He stretched his fingers out and cupped – speculatively - at Duo’s left buttock. “We need to get going now,” he murmured.  “I don’t like waiting.” He squeezed Duo’s ass, none too gently.


Duo gasped. His expression glazed over. “Give me the form,” he gasped to the man. “Got a pen I can use?”


Over with the rest of the party, tension was rising.


“It’s all right for you two!” Wufei complained. “You’ve never been averse to five in a bed –“


Three,” murmured Trowa. “That was the most, surely?” Then he caught Quatre’s eye and nodded. “Ah yes, of course, there was that one time with the circus …”


“That’s not important!” There was a vein standing out on Wufei’s neck that was rather alarming. “What I mean is, you don’t have any inhibitions. You’re almost as bad as that pair over at the desk.”


They turned - as one - to look over at Heero and Duo. Heero was nudging a knee between Duo’s thighs as he stood at the desk. As they watched, Duo reached back a hand and stroked Heero’s crotch possessively.


“Constant craving,” mused Trowa.


“Horny as hell,” smiled Quatre, admiringly. His own fingers brushed - caressed - at Trowa’s thigh.


Wufei grimaced.  “Just gross, that’s what it is.  I’ve had to put up with them all the way here.  First it was in the cab, both before and after I was fetching the fare.  Then I had to go fetch them out of the airport restroom.  Twice.”


“And the security incident at Starbucks?” Quatre offered.


Wufei nodded. “Yes, that was them, under the table. I was only away for a few moments.”


“Starbucks,” Quatre smirked. “As in, committed to offering their customers the finest coffee experience?”


Wufei shuddered. “I’ll never ask for extra froth on my cappuccino again.”


Over at the desk, Duo was scribbling fiercely on some papers and Heero had a hand down the back of Duo’s pants. He was licking his lips, thoughtfully. Lasciviously. In full view of them all.


Trowa sighed. “We’ve suffered too, you know, all through the flight. The nearest restroom to our seats was permanently locked.  Heero had to be told to put his seat back in the upright position every ten minutes. And all through the safety instructions, Duo was bent over Heero’s lap.  Gave a whole new meaning to putting your head between your legs in an emergency landing.”


Wufei groaned.  “I was looking forward to some quiet time at the hotel.  I need my privacy – I need my space.” 


Trowa peered at him, curiously. “What for, exactly?”


Wufei blustered. “Well.  Nothing. You know. Just that I might want to invite some friends in.  To… help me get dressed.”  Quatre coughed quietly.  Cosplay takes time and preparation,” Wufei hissed at him.  “You should respect that.”


Trowa’s gaze raked up and down Wufei’s body. The other man flushed deeply. “This is my normal outfit, Barton, as you well know. I had special clearance on the plane for every one of my piercings. This has nothing to do with -”


“The military uniforms?” Quatre cut in, airily. “Or the perfect white gloves? though I’ve never understood why you need three or more people to polish those knee length boots for you. Nor why they have to be dressed in kitten ears…”


Wufei’s eyes narrowed: his expression was borderline homicidal.  He took a step towards Quatre.  Trowa took a step between the pair of them and clenched his fists.


Back at the desk, Heero was growing impatient, too.  “Duo, are you done?  How many more of those forms have you got to fill in?”  He glared at the security man.  “What a fuss about nothing.  All he did was fetch out our cases ahead of the crowd.”


Duo kept his eyes down.  His face was flushed and he was grinning.


“I think it was a little more than that, Heero,” said Trowa, walking up to join them.


“It’s a restricted area,” Quatre added, appearing at Trowa’s side.  “Duo’s not meant to go behind the carousal at any time.”


Wufei joined the group. “And certainly not reappear on the moving belt with his tongue down your throat, the pair of you stretched over a suitcase with your pants open around your hips, practising frottage like it’s an Olympic sport.  We don’t all want to see your–“


“Personal belongings,” said the security man, suddenly.  They all spun around to stare at him, startled.  “Misuse of such.  Criminal damage of airport property.  Public obscenity and corruption of minors.”


“Just a couple of kids,” murmured Trowa. “And after a quick look, they seemed more interested in their Nintendo DS.”


“Gross misconduct,” the man intoned. “Disrespect of airport officials.”


“I never touched you,” Heero growled at him, then smirked. “Why, did you want me to?”


The man glared back, face colouring. “You’ll have to fill in more forms now. Numbers 3 through 27, both parts A and B. Otherwise I can’t release the evidence back to you.”


Quatre peered over Trowa’s shoulder, seeing the object behind the security desk for the first time. “Oh there’s my case!” he cried. “It looks a little dented on the top, and there are some strange stains on the hinges. What do you mean, it’s evidence?” He looked from Trowa to Wufei and his eyes got wider. “You don’t mean they were using my case…?”


Trowa moved quickly to his side, anticipating the reaction. Wufei stepped back quickly, anticipating Trowa’s.  Heero grinned at Duo, and shifted the lap of his jeans into a more comfortable position.


Duo coughed and pushed the completed forms back across the desk. “Done,” he announced.


Trowa grabbed the suitcase from behind the desk and started to push both it and Quatre away towards the exit.


Quatre scowled all the way. “Doing it,” he muttered. “In full view.  On my case.” It wasn‘t entirely clear which he found the greatest sin.  “It’s just… gross.”


“Told you so,” Wufei snorted, then yelped as Trowa ran the edge of the suitcase over his toes.


Heero tugged at Duo’s arm, ready to follow their friends out of the airport, but Duo leant back one more time over the desk. He winked at the startled security man. “The cell number at the bottom of your forms 12 and 21 –?” he murmured. “It’s mine and Heero’s.  If you were really interested, you know – in investigating some more of that gross misconduct!”